Wicked Gross Story + Lots of Ace Ventura GIF's

Don't say I didn't warn you, if you have a weak stomach turn back now.

This afternoon upon returning home from work I took the dogs for a walk. It's hunting season so yesterday the thought of being shot deterred me from taking the dogs in the woods. Today the weather was warmer though so I figured I'd put the dogs in their vests and let them romp around in the woods near our house, and hope not to be shot.

At one point in the walk the dogs stopped to explore a big hole in the ground. I thought nothing of it and admired the view while they played around. Then I picked up a stick to throw for Blaze and he came over to me and I smelled poop on him. This is not the first time he's ever rolled in poop, nor the first time I would have to clean it off him.

Silly dog, rolling in poop. Good thing you're cute.  

 Then I assumed that since Penny was still in the hole she was probably rolling in the poop too so I went to yell at her to get out of the hole. Then something terrible happened. (As if having two dogs roll in poop wasn't terrible enough.)

You won't even believe it. 

I looked in the hole, and saw toilet paper. 

Commence vomiting.

I can't think of any animals that use toilet paper when they poop.

Continue vomiting.

 Oh dear it was terrible. The worst part was no one else was around to deal with it but me. The second worst part was it was all over their necks, which is where their collars are, which attach to their leashes, and we had to walk on the road to get back home. I thought about just letting them run in the road to get home and taking my chances. Instead I used leaves to grab their collars and put the leashes on. Then I washed them with the hose outside the house and let them dry off in the garage.Then I threw all my clothes in a garbage can and burned them.

Just a thought, maybe if you're out hunting in the woods and have the urge to poop, do so, but then cover it up. 

I hope you all enjoy this story. Like my dad always says, if you can't laugh at yourself life is going to feel extra long. 

Lauren

p.s. Although this post contains primarily Ace Ventura Pet Detective GIF's my favorite (of the two) is still Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. If that is even a point to debate, which it's not, so don't bother.