WARNING (Lauren goes off track here): it should be said that I am quite superstitious. I am not afraid of dying, or breaking my mother back, no I am afraid that bad luck will sneak up and get me. I am not so superstitious that people notice, but once they find out, they certainly think I am strange due to the oddness. For example I always lift up my feet when I drive across railroad tracks, I never pick up pennies if they are facing tails up, I think it's best to not jinx myself by saying things that might be jinxing, and I say "rabbit rabbit" on the first of the month, before anyone talks to me, and while doing so I hop on one foot in a circle. Weird enough for you?
Typically when I run I think about a lot of stuff. Lately on runs I have been thinking about how I am not a fan of school at the moment. I wish I could quit and sell handbags. I wish it was easier, I wish I knew what I was doing, I wish I could have a job this summer and make money instead of paying money to work, I wish I felt like I was actually helping people, I wish didn't feel so sad about everything. Then 11 minutes into my run I remembered that today was July 1st, the first of the month. Time to say "rabbit rabbit". But first, had I spoken to anyone yet? No, it was 5:49 am, who would I talk to?....perfect. I stopped running, stood on one foot, hopped in 3 circles while saying "rabbit rabbit" and continued running, a bit dizzy, but I recovered. La La La, my run took me into the woods, it's been raining so it was wet on the trail. Wet dirt = mud. Mud= slippery, Lauren= clumsy. I might stink at math but this equation leads to me falling face first down a hill into the mud. As I was falling (you always have a long time to think when you're falling) I was not thinking "oh crap I am falling", I was thinking "This isn't fair! I said rabbit rabbit, I'm supposed to have 1 month of good luck!!!" SLPAT!
I picked myself up out of the mud just in time to think to myself; "In the first 30 minutes of the month I have jinxed myself to 31 days of bad luck, until I can attempt the rabbit rabbit trick again. I have another month left of clinic and it is going to be awful!!! I QUIT!"
After wiping my dirty hands on my shirt and realizing that my knee was bleeding I began walking home in despair thinking of ways to tell everyone I quit school after 5 years and that I should let my knee bleed out until I died in the street.
Then I looked up and saw a nice old man walking towards me. Was he on his way to rescue me? Would he say something uplifting to keep me from dying in the road? No, he said to me; "Looks like you fell in the mud, hahahaha" and I thought about saying; "Gee willikers I hadn't realize, thank so much from bringing my bleeding muddiness to my attention, you stupid asshole." Instead I gave the man a fake smile and then went back to thinking of ways to quit life. If I jumped in Great Bay and tried to swim to the other side would I get a cramp and drown?
Just as I was contemplating jumping in front of a garbage truck I spotted something small and round in the road. A penny. Heads up. I picked it up and began running again. My thought was that the dirty wet penny will give me good luck to last the rest of the month, and a dirty penny could be cleaned and be shinny again, just like me. I could take a shower and get un-muddy. My leg would stop bleeding and heal, someday. Someday clinic might not suck, someday I would know what the hell to do in the clinic. Someday I will have money and a job and someday I will actually feel like I am helping people, and things wouldn't be so awful.
I also came home to a text message from my mum saying "rabbit rabbit xoxo" (thanks mum).
Well clinic still sucked today, but not as bad as yesterday. Maybe that penny will give me good luck someday.
Here's a picture of my muddy/cut leg (some of the mud dried, it was worse, suicide inducing, I swear):