Thursday, November 14, 2013

Wicked Gross Story + Lots of Ace Ventura GIF's

Don't say I didn't warn you, if you have a weak stomach turn back now.

This afternoon upon returning home from work I took the dogs for a walk. It's hunting season so yesterday the thought of being shot deterred me from taking the dogs in the woods. Today the weather was warmer though so I figured I'd put the dogs in their vests and let them romp around in the woods near our house, and hope not to be shot.

At one point in the walk the dogs stopped to explore a big hole in the ground. I thought nothing of it and admired the view while they played around. Then I picked up a stick to throw for Blaze and he came over to me and I smelled poop on him. This is not the first time he's ever rolled in poop, nor the first time I would have to clean it off him.

Silly dog, rolling in poop. Good thing you're cute.  
 Then I assumed that since Penny was still in the hole she was probably rolling in the poop too so I went to yell at her to get out of the hole. Then something terrible happened. (As if having two dogs roll in poop wasn't terrible enough.)
You won't even believe it. 

I looked in the hole, and saw toilet paper. 
Commence vomiting.
I can't think of any animals that use toilet paper when they poop.
Continue vomiting.
 Oh dear it was terrible. The worst part was no one else was around to deal with it but me. The second worst part was it was all over their necks, which is where their collars are, which attach to their leashes, and we had to walk on the road to get back home. I thought about just letting them run in the road to get home and taking my chances. Instead I used leaves to grab their collars and put the leashes on. Then I washed them with the hose outside the house and let them dry off in the garage.Then I threw all my clothes in a garbage can and burned them.


Just a thought, maybe if you're out hunting in the woods and have the urge to poop, do so, but then cover it up. 


I hope you all enjoy this story. Like my dad always says, if you can't laugh at yourself life is going to feel extra long. 

Lauren

p.s. Although this post contains primarily Ace Ventura Pet Detective GIF's my favorite (of the two) is still Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. If that is even a point to debate, which it's not, so don't bother. 


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

See Through Tank Top

Haha. Did my title reel you in? Tricked ya! I really like the Simplicity 1693 pattern. I made three this summer, and this one was cut out this summer but never got finished.

I tried to make it two layers to reduce the see-through-ness, but quickly gave up on that endeavor since even with two layers it was still see through. It's a good thing I did too because I was working on the shirt and my iron burned right through the fabric; luckily I had a whole other shirt already cut out to pick up and start working on; and I threw the burned one in the trash.


It turned out alright. Obviously I have to wear a shirt underneath, and since it is freezing here I have to wear a shirt over it too. I like it to wear under a cardigan; it's a little more exciting than just a plan tee shirt/tank top. This cardigan combo doesn't actually show much of the shirt, but you get the idea.

Sorry for the headless photos. I'l explain more about that later; let's just say for reasons beyond my control I have not been able to wash my hair since Sunday, and would rather not have photographic evidence of said treachery on the interwebs. You're welcome. 

Lauren 

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Stone Cat Trail Marathon Recap

Yesterday Charlie and I did the trail marathon. We spent the night at a friends house so we were only 30 minutes away instead of 2+ hours away. But we still had to wake up at 4 am in order to get ready and registered in time. Geeze! We were looking quite chipper for 5:45 in the morning.


The race started in the dark because people were doing a marathon and also a 50 mile race, and when you run 50 mile you need all the day light you can get I suppose. We had to run with headlamps on for the first half hour or so. The start for us went around a field, it was so cool to see everyone running around a dark field with head lamps on. Then the race went into the woods and there were glow sticks hanging from the trees; which also looked really cool. Charlie gave me the better head lamp to wear, except since it's the one we use the most at home the battery was nearly dead. I had to stay close to people on the trail who had bright lights so I wouldn't fall.

I have/had been having trouble my entire training with getting blisters on my toes on long runs. I tried a lot of different solutions, but nothing really seemed to work well. I think the shoe brand and model that I have been wearing forever has changed and now the seam rubs my pinky toe funny and gives me blisters. I thought wrapping my toes in medical tape would be a good solution; except the wet leaves made my shoes wet which made my socks and feet wet so the tape came off. At mile 4 I could feel that I was getting a blister. That was a bummer. Then at mile 5-6 I got stung by a bee. I haven't been stung by a bee in over 10 years so I forgot how much it hurts. I convinced myself the bees were tracker jackers, and thought about how great it would be to go into anaphylactic shock so I would have a good excuse to not finish the race. Blisters and bee stings are pretty annoying. I did keep laughing to myself and thinking about this scene from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.  By about mile 10 I has stopped twice to try to fix my foot situation and had come to the conclusion that it was just going to hurt the rest of the race and I had to deal with it.

Enough complaining though, the best thing about trail racing is the food. Every aid station had 2-3 tables full of food and drinks. I ate 5 Oreos during the race and wish I had had more. The people volunteering at the stations are super nice and accommodating. I asked for a bandaid and the lady unwrapped it for me and acted like I was on the brink of death. Did I really look that bad?

Also the weather was perfect. It was in the 50 and 60's which is super rare for November 2nd. It wasn't too sunny, but not cloudy either. I was never too hot or too cold, and it wasn't raining. The scenery was beautiful too.

Another wonderful thing was that my Brother-In-Law and Sister-In-Law came to cheer for us. Jay brought a train whistle so I could hear him through the woods. I have mentioned it multiple times but the best thing ever during a race is having someone you know cheer for you. He even ran ahead of me and took my picture. This is my pretend you're having fun, even thought you're not even halfway done face.

I ended up running (walking/running) most of the race by myself. Sometimes I find someone going the same pace as me and I stick with them, but not this race. My watch stopped working at mile 16 and I thought I was going crazy and that mile 16 was taking forever. So I was that annoying person who asked a bunch of people how much farther was left. I also kept getting passed by fast people running the 50 mile race; what a confidence booster. People running almost double of what I was running were passing me, and looked great doing it. 

Charlie finished in about 4:25 I think. 

My time was 5:47 or something around there. That's pretty slow, and I'm kind of embarrassed about it, but I did stop 3 times to try to fix my shoe situation, and I did walk some. I probably could have done it faster, but oh well. After my first marathon I said I would never do another one, and I said the same thing yesterday. 26.2 miles is farther than I drive most days. Also, if a race takes you longer than the number of hours you slept the night before you should probably reconsider your life choices. But we both finished and they gave us sweatshirts that say "Marathon Finisher" on it, so I guess it wasn't all bad.



 After the race we went to our friends house to shower and they fed us really good food and let me lie on the couch and refreshed my drink when needed. It was great.

Last night we were in bed by 7 and stayed up until 8:30 watching a movie and eating ice cream. Then I turned the clock back so it was like we went to bed at 7:30. Can't complain about that I suppose.

I'll be sticking to shorter distance races from now on.

Lauren


Sunday, October 27, 2013

Fabric Pumpkins: Lauren Tries To Decorate For Fall


I'm trying to embrace fall. It's kind of working, but mostly not. A few weeks ago I pinned some fabric pumpkins on Pinterest, bought some orange fabric and got to work. I finished these three weeks ago but never showed them to you because I was getting home from work and XC practice after the sun had set so the lighting wasn't good for pictures. Anyways, this is the only area in our house that looks remotely decorated for fall, except the front door. The mini gourds were bought at a farmers market, the chicken thing was on sale for $1.99 at Michael's

These first two were made using THIS tutorial/pattern. For the first one I did the pattern exactly as it said, for the second I enlarged the pieces, but that created some problems which lead to my mis-shaped pumpkin. I think it looks more real though with the weird bumps. 

For the last one I kind of used this picture link I found on Pinterest. Instead of using the embroidery floss all the way around the pumpkin I did a running stitch to squeeze it together.


Last night I tried to start knitting a pumpkin to add to the collection. I didn't have a pattern so I just started making it up. This morning I cam downstairs to this:
Good thing I didn't invest too much time on that project. 

What do you do for fall decorating? I'm going to carve a pumpkin tonight. I want to do one like this one but I'm pretty sure I would fail miserably. 

Lauren 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Never Sewing Again

Moments ago I was peacefully sewing a Halloween costume for my friends kid. Suddenly a spider the size of a Sacagawea coin fell (attacked) from the ceiling and landed inches from my arm.

I screamed, Charlie came to my rescue and after telling him where said spider was hiding (readying itself to strike and kill me) he crushed it multiple times until it died while I screeched and cried into my sweatshirt hood.

He has since escorted me upstairs, I now lie in bed, my heart still racing after my near death encounter. Here is a short list of things I will never see again because I am much too paralyzed by fear to ever enter the basement.

  • Four sewing machines
  • My Mac air computer
  • One nearly finished Halloween costume, I'm sorry Liz.
  • Seven scrapbooks.
  • One almost finished shirt, for myself.
  • One 1/4 done tale runner, festive fall colors.
  • One brand new framed piece of "art" that I was going to show you all. 
  • My beloved mannequin, who knows how many spiders the size of Arkansas have assaulted her. 
That's all I can think of in my weakened state. I shall retire now, I fear I will not sleep tonight, and if I do my dreams will be filed with spiders and other unpleasant insects. Unfortunately tomorrow is picture day at school, I shall be forever immortalized in the yearbook as the young SLP with severe bags under her eye and an intense fear of spiders. 

Yours truly, Lauren 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Today Was Terrible, But These Two Things Made it Better


I wait all year for this day.

And THIS website is hilarious.

Hope your day was great. And if it wasn't I hope my random-ness makes it better.

You can't defeat me Universe!

Lauren
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