Goodbye Cable

 I have been contemplating canceling it for a while, but after reading my blogging friend April's blog about her cable extravaganza I decided to wait a little while longer. But alas the last bill made me gasp, so on Saturday I made Charlie call to cancel it, because I knew I couldn't do it myself. 

My justification for canceling the cable, well for 1. It's a lot of freaking money! Money I could be wasting on fabric or nice clothes or exotic trips to Australia... or dare I say saving (that's laughable) 2. I have recently decided that Charles and I do not spend enough time together. When we are together we are sitting in front of the TV arguing over watching PTI (dumb sports show) vs. "Little People: Big World". In my dreams the cable will be canceled and Charlie and I can sit on the couch giving each other foot massages, talking about intellectual things (like the War or the Economy) and gazing lovingly into each other eyes. I know I know, I said dream world, okay! 3. I could be spending my time doing much more productive things than watching TV. Do I really need to watch "Mermaid Girl" on TLC for the 3rd time? Or "Worlds Tallest Children"; "Project Runway"; "Trauma: Life In The ER"; "House Hunters"; "16 and Pregnant"; "True Life"; "Gilmore Girls"; or any of the other mindless crap I tend to choose? Are these shows making me any smarter? I doubt it. Although the other day someone was talking about high blood pressure caused by pregnancy and I responded "Oh, do you mean preeclampsia?" I also have a vast knowledge of the drug Pitocin and seem to know a lot about Epidurals. But now I am just trying to make it seem like I am gaining a doctorate degree in gynecology based on watching TLC.  In my free, TV-less time I could read books for pleasure, knit a sweater, do some school work (ha), exercise more, go for long walks or just sit and think. Lastly, 4. I have gone without TV before. I was basically raised on PBS and PBS alone. We didn't have cable, only an antenna on the roof that you could turn 360 degrees and still only get 5 channels. From October until Christmas my brother and I were not allowed to watch anything but PBS because, according to my parents, there were too many commercials (code for: We don't want to hear you beg for those stupid toys). I also remember my dad telling me the TV didn't work for about 3 weeks until I finally figured out that he would unplug it every night after he watched "The Simpson's" and "The Late Show". Another fond memory of my childhood was being constantly made fun of for not watching  "90210" or not knowing the theme song to "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" like every other normal kid in my class. It is surprising that after all of this trauma in early life that I agreed to go without TV for my entire Sophomore year of college. Lorelei said we didn't need one so we just didn't have one( I typically do whatever she tells me to, this was no exception). How on earth did we live??! (Now Lorelei doesn't have internet or cable, she makes me feel so bad about myself sometimes.) Junior year I never watched TV, and Senior year Charlie and I would do acrobatics to get our antenna to bring ABC into our living room and I am sad to say we did not appreciate that the $5 internet bill we shared with all 8 people who lived in our apartment building. 

So where, oh where did it all go wrong? Well living with my Grammy last summer and being introduced to "Project Runway" and all the other junk on TLC was the start. But I cannot blame only her. When I moved in Charlie found out that the cable from the last resident was still working, Free Cable= a dream come true.  It's lonely living alone, so let's just say that I lived in constant fear of the cable being taken away and living a miserable lonesome exsistence, and when the day finally came that the cable man knocked on my door to tell me he had audited the cable I would have given him my soul to keep it, plus, it was a Tuesday and there was a new episode of "The Hills" on that night. In November I started paying a monthly bill for cable TV and internet. 

Anyways back to my story; I made a big stink today to all my friends about having to come home today, and be in the house from 3-5 so the cable man could come and un-connect me and take my remote and cable box. 

*I should mention here that we did not fully cancel the cable. No, No, we are not that strong. We switched to "basic cable" which is $15 a month, much less than the $65 we were paying. The main reason for keeping some (all 23 channels, only 11 of which are worth watching) is because if you only get one service the price goes up for that service. So the two possible options were to pay $60 for internet alone and be forced to  stand on our heads trying to get "World News Tonight with Charles Gibson" from the digital converter box, or pay $60 for internet and all 10 channels of "basic cable".*

After my session with my client was over I ate lunch, complained no less than 4 times about having to meet the cable man, and talked about how I had metaphorically gorged myself on TLC last night, like a prisoner eating his last meal before being executed.  Then I came home to wait. I decided to work on the baby project I have been trying to finish. At approximately 4 pm my phone rings "Oh no" I think, "The devil man has come to take my cable!" I answer, and an automated voice  says; "We at the cable company would like to ask you 3 questions about the service you were provided today, blah blah blah" At this point I was too shocked to listen. Service, what service? No one came? No one knocked!?! I quickly turned on the TV "Out of Service" was all that showed up on the channel that used to be MTV! 

NOOOOOOOO! My cable was gone. ("My world, my beautiful world") I really wanted to have some dirty man with his butt crack showing to come into my house and rip the cable box from my desperate hands. I wanted to have someone to blame, a face to think of and despise whenever I was bored and lonely and wanted to watch "Divine Design" or "Help: I'm a Hoarder". Someone to hate. Instead I am left here with only myself to blame, I can only hate me for putting myself in this misery. Or I suppose I could hate/blame Charlie for being the one who called the company in the first place. But I think that might put a damper on our intellectual conversations next to the open fire place (not to mention that we don't even have a fire place). 

Now I am off to find something "productive to do" (I hate myself already, I could be watching re-runs of Gilmore Girls right now) 

Lauren.